Coping Techniques: Eckhart Tolle’s lessons on living in the moment

I read the Power of Now by Eckart Tolle in 2003 when nobody had really heard to him. It took me 3 weeks to read the book as I battled with the concept of the ego and the pain body. Then the penny dropped one day when I was in a shop and the assistant was really rude. I felt my ego pop up and I then understood what Eckhart was talking about. That week I went on to suggest to all the clients that I was counselling they read the book as well. Some got it and some didn’t. Now Tolle is a household name and has a respected and well-earned following.

It has been a valuable tool in my toolbox for helping clients. I could readily see how the ego was making them suffer and how it provided the fuel for their continued suffering. For those of you who haven’t read or watched Tolle, in brief he describes the true self as being one of love, peacefulness and in harmony in the NOW. Sadly, we identify with the egocentric mind which exists in the past, and in the future, holding on to past pain and suffering and hoping for a better future. By letting go of both and living in the NOW then the mind is at peace. The ego needs fuel and the past has tons of it to serve us, thanks to the controlled mind.

I recall a time when a lady came to see me and was crying. I always say to clients “Blame the couch you are sitting on; it always makes people cry”.  The lady confided “My husband has left me for a younger woman, how could he do this to me? I have given my life to him and he does this to me. I can’t sleep, eat and work properly. My business is suffering. I don’t go out and I am at a loss as to know what to do”. She was crying a lot and clearly suffering. I asked her when this had happened. I was expecting her to say, 2 weeks, maybe 2 months. She was really describing the first stage of grief, which is shock and disbelief*. I was stunned when she replied “6 years ago nearly 7”. She had been suffering like this for so long. Poor lady. She then went on to say “He has moved on. He has a 5-year-old son, a promotion and he remarried, and his wife is pregnant again. I want to know what I did wrong so I can move on”.

Clearly her ego was making her suffer by keeping her stuck in the past. She was searching for a reason, a justification, as to why this had happened to her. She couldn’t reconcile being such a good person who didn’t deserve having to endure such pain with what had happened. Some timeline therapy, hypnosis and healing and she was soon much better and able to let go.

How much suffering are you carrying with you from the past to the now? What are you carting forward which is not only making you suffer and causing you pain but preventing you from having the life that you want and truly deserve? What fears and expectations of the future are you fixating on that are stopping you from being truly present and enjoying the now? So much better to learn from the experience, and take the wisdom and knowledge gained to make your life richer. 

I have observed, particularly in relationships, that people will often learn on the sixth occasion. They experience one painful relationship after another, often being presented with people with similar characteristics until the pain becomes so unbearable that they then make a conscious decision to choose another partner. This might be romantic, partner or boss. You can readily identify that person when you hear them say: “I always pick the bad ass guys/girls, I seem to be like a magnet to them, they seem to be attracted to me!” Well yes that is exactly the case, you are repeating the same pattern again because you are putting the same energy out.**

I have a really simple rule that I apply in life. When I respond to a situation, (remember, I respond, not react), I ask myself to consciously decide if I am coming from my ego or my heart. If I decide to come from my ego, that is fine as I am using the ego to work for me rather than against me. If I come from the heart, it is again a conscious decision. I look to see if those around me are coming from their ego or heart. If it is their ego, then there is an opportunity for me to exercise compassion as I know at some level they are suffering.

 So, make today the day when you decide to live in the now. Learn how to use your ego and make it work for you rather than against you. Learn also how to operate from your heart. Be compassionate to all living things.

Qualified counselling can help you to process thoughts that are impacting on your life. I take a holistic approach and can adapt my service to your needs.

Further reading: You may find titles by *Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and **The Law of Attraction by Esther Hicks and Jerry Hicks